Just One Cut
by livydean
Summary: Emma Walker struggles with a secret that is destroying her. Will one of her family members find out?
1. Chapter 1

Have you ever had a secret you couldn't tell anyone, even your family? Well, I do. One very dark and terrible secret. And if you knew my family, then you would know how insanely hard it is to keep anything from anyone. It's like we were born into some little faction of the CIA; except my siblings are better. How exactly can I explain my family to you without sounding like the cheesy plot of a horrible reality show? I'm the baby of a family of 6, well 7, and I am 18 years old. My father died a little over a year ago, leaving my family in debt, his business nearly bankrupt, and oh yes, the news of a mistress and a supposed older sister that I didn't know I had. I have three brothers and three sisters. Kevin is the gay attorney, Tommy is president of the family winery, and Justin is a soldier who just recently got over drug addiction for the second time. My sister Kitty used to have her own talk show but now she is the wife of the former Republican runner up for president of the United States. Sarah is also involved in the family business while trying to balance kids and a bad divorce. And lastly, comes Rebecca. Rebecca is the infamous lovechild; except she wasn't my father's lovechild. Now I think Justin and Rebecca like each other but, honestly, I am trying to not know.

Lastly, there's me…the 18-year-old part time college student who tries so desperately to be the glue that holds this insane family together. Even though I'm the youngest, they all come to me for advice or just end up spilling their guts to me even when I don't ask. You see, I am the one with a smile for everyone and kind words. I don't get mad, I don't cry, and I never fight. (Except for my once-mini breakdown when I found out about Rebecca.) That's exactly the way my family loves me too. I have great relationships with all of them, albeit very different ones. If I had to pick, I would say I was closest with Justin. He's the only one who really understands what it's like to pretend you're okay when you aren't. He knows what it's like to hide from the ever-constricting Walker family; to feel like you are trying to breathe air in an 8 foot pool. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to swim up to the surface.

Ever since my dad died, it had been one blow after another, some with more force than others. Right now, the current issue of the hour is Kitty and her husband Robert's inability to adopt; which, compared to other things, is a cakewalk. Tommy and Kevin are still mad at each other and Mom is still trying to find herself after 40 years of being in the giant shadow of my dad. I guess I still haven't told you the secrets yet; it's so hard to even in this journal. I keep thinking that one of my siblings is going to pop in here any minute and just figure it out. Well, since they are too busy with their own lives, like usual, I'll just come out with it. I'm a cutter. That's right. I cut myself and I enjoy it. Morbid right? I know. I just can't seem to stop anymore. I only do it across my wrists very lightly and cover it up with thick bracelets or long sleeves. I remember so well the first time I ever did it. It was during the mini-intervention we had when we found out that Justin was using again. He was so angry at all of us. He accused me of being "Little Miss Perfect". He said I didn't know anything about pain or the real world. He called me pathetic and a liar and that it was hard for him to be in the same room with me. He said that he wished I was the lovechild so there would be a doubt that we weren't related. Ouch right? I went upstairs, tears nearly blinding me. I couldn't finish the intervention. My heart turned to steel even though a small part of me knew it was just the drugs talking.

But hearing those words come from someone I trusted and loved so much killed me. I was just lying face down on my bed, crying my eyes out. I didn't even think about cutting myself but I knew I wanted to do something bad to get my mind off what was ringing around in my head. I heard a knock at the door. I didn't say anything or even move; I just silently prayed it wasn't Justin to finish what he started.

"Hey, honey," Tommy's voice said.

That made me sit up straight. I didn't expect Tommy at all. It wasn't that Tommy and I weren't close but it wasn't like he was the one that I called when I was upset. I expected Mom, Sarah, or usually Justin to come talk to me. I wiped my eyes foolishly, thinking maybe if the tears were gone, he wouldn't ask me anything.

"Hi," I said softly.

He came and sat down on the end of my bed.

"So I guess "are you okay" is a dumb question, huh?" He tried to tease.

That was Tommy's way of dealing with anything; dry, sarcastic humor. That, or just plain rage. I didn't answer.

"Listen, Emma, I know how upset you are and I don't blame you. But none of this is your fault. Justin…well, Justin has a lot of problems. You know that. It got worse when he came back. It wasn't him talking back there."

"It was the drugs, right?" I interrupted my voice deeper in my ears. "You weren't there, Tommy. You didn't hear what he said. He doesn't want to be related to me. He hates me!"

Tommy moved closer to me.

"No, sweetheart, he doesn't. He loves you so much."

"Then why did he say that?! He was mean to everyone else but he was especially mean to me. He didn't tell the others he couldn't be in the same room with them. Why me?" I held in a big sob and it came out in a hiccup.

Tommy put his big, muscular hand on my back and rubbed in between my shoulders.

"Because he's closest to you and he's angry that we're confronting him. All he cares about right now is drugs and we are all standing in the way. Don't let him get to you; not when he's like this. He needs you, Emma. He loves you and he needs you to be strong."

"You were right." I whispered.

"What do you mean?" He asked, pushing my hair off my face.

"He's never gonna change. Why should I care? You stopped. I'll stop too."

"Is that what you think?" He asked, shocked. "Emma, I'm NEVER going to stop caring about any of you! We are a family and that's what families do. I know you're hurt and worried about him. But please, baby, don't talk like that. Not you."

I nodded at him. He smiled but it looked a little forced. He wiped a tear away from my cheek.

"Can I go to my friend's house for a little while?" I asked.

He sighed. "He really broke your heart, didn't he? I don't see why not. Just tell Mom before you go."

Suddenly, we heard a loud bang from down the hall and Kevin screaming, "Damn it, Justin!"

"I'd better get in there before Justin throws Kevin off the roof." He said, patting my leg.

"Ok." I said softly.

He stood and kissed my forehead.

"Love you, Emma. "

"Love you too. Thanks for coming to talk to me."

"Not a problem, kiddo, you're stuck with me for life." He winked.

He left and went towards all the commotion. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I knew I didn't want to be around all the chaos at home but at the same time, I didn't want to leave my room. But I slowly opened the door to my bedroom and looked around. There was enough banging around upstairs to match a choir of circus elephants. My stomach felt like it knotted in a thousand little balls, dancing and bouncing against each other. So when I went to the bathroom, I had no intention of cutting. I tried to throw up over the sink but no bile would come out…I guess it enjoyed poisoning my insides too much to let me go. I stared at myself in the mirror. My green eyes were bloodshot and puffy, my cheeks red and wet, and my mouth drawn into a permanent frown. My skin was at least two shades too pale and my hair was tangled and a little oily. I looked like I was addict myself.

My only addiction then was loving my family too much. And that's when I saw it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small, black razor sitting in the soap holder in the tub. It was probably Sarah's or Kitty's. It was too small to be a man's razor and if Mom shaved, her razor wouldn't be in the guest bathroom. I knew about cutting from friends at school and even Demi Lovato. But back then, my life was at least somewhat normal and cutting seemed almost insane to me. Why would anyone want to hurt themselves, I used to wonder. Now I knew. Slamming my head against the wall would feel better than the way I was feeling. It was like someone stabbed my heart and it was just hopelessly bleeding in my insides. It wasn't just what Justin said, which hurt like holy hell. It was everything.

I thought I was okay with Dad being gone but when every 5 seconds, something new pops up, it's hard to move on. I know it's wrong but sometimes I felt like Dad was up, or down, there torturing us. Why else would Tommy and Julia lose their other child? No one understood what it was like to me. I felt like a bystander, just watching as everything I love came tumbling down. And the worst part of it all is that there is nothing I can do. That razor was still in the soap holder, waiting patiently for me to make my decision. My heart thumped in my chest and my palms began to sweat. I locked the bathroom door and picked up the razor.

"Just one cut," I whispered.

I didn't even hesitate…I dragged the blade across a big, blue vein in my left wrist. Crimson blood started to make its way out. I was mesmerized by the deep color; too enthralled to realize how much it hurt. As I watched the blood, I thought about what Justin said. I felt like his words were pouring out of my wrist, leaving my body. Like I pro, I rinsed the cut, put peroxide on it and put a hand towel over it. I went back to my room un-noticed. I locked the door and stared at the picture of my family above my bed.

"You can't hurt me anymore, Justin. None of you can," I whispered.

I took the picture down and pushed it under the bed.

"Only I can." I said.


	2. Chapter 2

I had managed to avoid Justin for two weeks straight and let me tell you, it wasn't exactly easy, even with me being at my friend's house. He called nonstop like all the other members of my family but I wasn't having any of it. I was done. Completely. I was also still cutting. It was a gradual process. I was still able to control myself, even with the bloodhounds I called family trying to get me to come home. Just one cut here and one cut there, sometimes even a day without it is what got me through. However, my family was getting restless of me being gone. Tommy threatened to find me, throw me over his shoulder and carry me home. As much as I didn't want to see that threat carried out, I also knew that I had to go eventually. To hide the little cuts, I wore a thick, black bracelet made of leather that I bought at CVS. It made it so the cuts were invisible, which was exactly what I needed to go back to the Walker house. I don't know; it felt so _good _to have a secret that I knew no one could figure out. As much as I tried to forget all that's happened, the only time I could really do it was when I was in the bathroom, holding a razor. The three seconds of the blade piercing my skin was what I was coming to look forward to.

Nonetheless, I went back home, hoping that Justin's face wasn't the first one I saw when I opened the door. According to Rebecca, he was doing a lot better and was going to AA meetings. Again. I was still so bitter about what had happened, as much as I tried to push it out of my head. It was like a scab I couldn't resist picking. I knew it would bleed but I still had to keep picking it. He told me straight out that he wished I wasn't his sister. How in the blazes could I ever just forgive and forget that. I wasn't exactly Mother Theresa Walker and one way or another; they were all going to see that.

I twisted my key in the lock as quietly as I could, hoping that no one was there. But of course, Sarah, Kitty and Rebecca were sitting on the couch while Kitty twirled in a wedding dress. They all saw me instantaneously, ignoring my attempts to make myself turn into a mouse.

"Emma, oh my God, you're finally back!" Kitty exclaimed, hugging me.

"Yes, young lady, it's about time!" Sarah said, hugging me too.

"Hi guys," I murmured.

"Hi? That's all we get after we've been worried about you for weeks?" Kitty asked, shocked as she pulled me to the couch.

"It's only been two." I said. "Hi, Rebecca."

"Hey, Emma," she said with a smile.

I really liked Rebecca, despite her awful introduction into the family. She was always so kind and nonjudgmental in any way. I knew that if I was going to tell anyone about my "little problem" it would be her.

"Well, still, we were worried. How are you?" Sarah asked.

"I'm good." I said. "Really, I am. I stayed with Cheyenne and her parents for the two weeks. We had fun."

I was quite the liar, who would have thought?

"That's good," Sarah said.

I could sense a question coming on though…call it a sixth sense.

"Just ask me, guys. I know you're dying to." I said with an eye roll.

"Have you forgiven Justin? He's dying to talk to you. He really feels terrible." Kitty informed me as if I didn't know.

"Of course," I lied.

All three women looked at me with a raised brows.

"What?" I exclaimed. "I have! I forgive Justin!"

They weren't convinced but I was grateful when the attention shifted from me to Kitty's dress.

"I happen to think it's lovely," I said. "You look like a real princess. I'm glad you're finally getting married."

"Oh, not you too," she screeched. "Why is it such a shock to everyone that I waited until I found the perfect husband? You all make it seem like I'm so old and haggard!"

"Well, you kind of are," a deep male's voice said from behind me.

My cheeks immediately heated up and my spine stiffened. If my heart beat got any louder, I was sure someone would mistake it from drums. Kitty playfully stuck her tongue out at Justin, who I still wasn't looking at. He was leaning against the couch; I could feel the weight on my back. Why was everyone acting like things were normal? I fought the urge to get up and leave.

"Would you mind if I stole Emma for a little bit?" He asked my sisters.

Um, yes, I screamed in my head. I would mind! I mind very much!

"Of course not," Sarah said, smiling at me.

I glared, knowing they were doing this only because I said I had forgiven Justin and they knew I was lying.

"Emma, can I talk to you?" He asked, putting his warm hands on my shoulders. "I promise you'll come out in one piece."

I sighed. "Fine!"

Ha! I hoped he heard the attitude in my voice. I followed him into his bedroom, where he shut and locked the door.

"So I'm a prisoner in here?" I asked petulantly, cocking an eyebrow in anger.

"Of course not!" He looked like he was at a loss for words. "I just really need to talk to you."

"SO," I said in a sigh as a plopped down on his bed. "Talk."

He sighed too and ran his hands through his dark brown hair.

"Listen, Emma, I am so sorry for what I said two weeks ago. I feel awful and it's killing me to know how much I hurt you."

"It's fine," I lied.

"No!" He exclaimed. "It's not fine, Emma! Look at you…you spent the last two weeks at someone else's house to get away from me. I feel like such an asshole. I need you to know how important you are to me. I know how much you must hate me right now but I love you. I've always loved you, even when I was saying those horrible things to you."

My eyes started stinging. I absolutely will not cry, I thought.

"This is just part of the 12 steps," I whispered. "Redemption…I've been there, done that, Justin."

"No, it's more than that!" He said, sitting down on the bed. "I said some pretty awful things. You remember all of them, don't you?"

I nodded slowly. He sighed.

"Look, I was just lashing out. I didn't mean any of the things I was saying; I was just saying the most hurtful things possible to everyone so they would leave me alone. I wanted my pills, Emma. You…I…I don't know what to say to make you understand."

"Oh I understand!" I exclaimed. "You said that I was pathetic and liar and you wished I wasn't your sister! That's what I understand. You're not sorry because if you were, you wouldn't have said it. We've been through this process before and I can't do it. I disgust you. I get it. How can you expect me to forget it?"

One rebel tear escaped my barricade and I furiously wiped it away.

"Oh, baby, I am so sorry. You will never know how deeply sorry I am. After I got back injured, I lost myself for a while. I started taking drugs again and went right back to old patterns to escape the pain I was feeling."

"From your leg?" I asked.

"That and the nightmares," he said, inching closer to me. "I lost so many friends over there, Emma. There were so many people I couldn't save and it's tough to bear. Drugs were my only ticket out. And it hasn't been easy but I've stopped taking the pills. I wish you never had to see me like that. You aren't pathetic, sweetheart. I am. Your big brother isn't perfect. I've screwed up a lot in my life but one thing I can't screw up is my relationship with you. I need you, honey. You and I have always been best friends."

I sniffed and let out a hiccup.

"Don't hold it in," he whispered.

I stroked the bracelet and averted my eyes to the bed.

"I can't." I whispered. "You said you wished I wasn't your sister! You said…"

A sob escaped my body and he grabbed me and pulled me into a ferocious hug.

"No," I cried and tried to wiggle out of his grasp.

"Settle down," he said sternly into my hair.

He rubbed my back in slow circles as I stopped fighting his hold.

"Emma, baby, you are the best sister anyone can ever hope to have. I don't deserve you. Not even close. I can't take back what I said but I can promise you it will never happen again. I need you to trust me; can you do that? I love you so much. I would be dead by now if it wasn't for you, so don't you think for a minute that I regret having you as a sister."

He kissed my forehead and continued to rub my back as I cried silently. It felt so nice to be in his arms, the strong arms I always remembered comforting me growing up. But it still didn't change the heaviness in my heart or the desire to go to the bathroom and get the razor. I did, however, know he was sorry. He whispered it over and over into my ear, as well as "shhh."

"I forgive you," I whispered.

He pulled me closer and kissed my forehead again.

"Good," he said, almost on the verge of tears himself. "Good because I can't lose you, shrimp."

He squeezed me one last time before releasing me. He wiped my eyes and smiled at me. I managed to smile back. He grasped my wrists and my heart pounded.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, concerned.

"Of course," I said. "I will be."

He smiled his boyish smile again, making my heart sink even further. He ruffled my hair like he always used to.

"Well, I guess I'd better let you get back to helping Kitty with her dress or whatever it is you were doing."

I shrugged. "I can stay here too."

"I'm sorry, Emma." He said again.

"I know; you told me 17 times."

"I promise I will make this up to you. Name it and I'll do it for you."

"You don't have to do anything for me," I said. "Just…never say that again."

He grinned. "I can do that."

I smiled. "Good."

"Come here." He said, giving me another hug. "Go on and be with your sisters. It's a girl thing going on out there."

"Okay," I said and got up. "I love you, Justin."

"Love you too, kid. Are we good?"

I nodded. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom."

"Have fun," he said.

I nodded and closed the door. I ran to the bathroom, thrust the shower curtain open and picked up my old friend.

"Just one cut," I whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

_I had done it. This time, I had really done it. I cut too deeply and the bleeding wouldn't stop. No matter what I did, the blood came pouring out like a crimson volcano. It was too fast. That much I knew for sure. I must have hit an artery on this last cut… that and the fact that I had pressed too hard on purpose. __**On both wrists**__. Did I want to die? I wasn't even sure anymore. I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I didn't even recognize myself…my skin was too pale, my eyes were too red and the world was spinning. Sweat beaded my forehead. _

_ Shit. I was dying. How could I be so dizzy when I only made two cuts? I felt sick; like I was going to throw up or pass out. I wanted to scream for help but my throat was dry. _

_ Help!_

_ I managed to sit on the toilet with two white, blood-soaked towels. Suddenly, I felt someone knock at the door._

_ "Emma?" It was Rebecca's voice. _

_ I couldn't answer her as she knocked at the door. _

_ "Emma, are you ok?" She asked softly. _

_ Why wouldn't my voice work? My ears felt full, as if I was on an airplane and my heart beat thumped hard in my chest. Blood dripped down my legs in a warm, sticky mess. I never knew blood had a smell until that moment. It smelled like old, warm pennies. The door flew open. Did I forget to lock it? _

_ "Oh, my God, EMMA!" Rebecca yelled, running towards me._

_ Why did she sound miles away? _

_ "How did I not see this? Justin!" She screamed, kneeling by me and pressing the towels on my wrists._

_ "No, don't tell him." I managed to croak out. _

_ "What's going on in here?" Tommy asked, coming in. "Shit! Someone call 911 now!" He bellowed. _

_ This wasn't happening. I had to be dreaming. The last thing I remember was being cradled in Justin's arms. Oh yeah, and the wonderful bombshell that Ryan was my biological half brother._

_ "What the hell have you done, Emma?" Justin whispered to me. _

_ The world blacked out. _

**Before:**

It had been a month since my little talk with Justin. In that time, Kitty and Robert had finally gotten married. Things were starting to look up, which for my family, was a rarity. My little trips to the bathroom, however, were increasing little by little. I had a problem and I knew it. But you know something? I didn't care and no one else seemed to either. The only person who showed any suspicion at all was Kevin, oddly enough. I graduated to my right wrist and that meant I was wearing two clunky black bracelets on both wrists. I was in the kitchen, getting some bowls to put on the table when Kevin came in.

"Hey, Emma," he said.

"Hi," I said as happily as I could muster.

"How are you?" He asked. "Here, let me help you with that."

"I'm good." I said.

I wasn't sure where to look. I was afraid that if I looked him in the eye, I would somehow give myself away. He seemed to have the same problem and he cleared his throat.

"So, I noticed the bracelets. You've been wearing them a lot lately." He sounded so awkward, which I knew meant he was gearing up to ask me something big.

I just hoped it had nothing to do with my new favorite hobby. I nodded, playing with the salad spoon.

"Yep," was all I said. "Is something wrong, Kevin?"

I bit my lip, finally turning to look at him.

"Oh, no, nothing's wrong. I was just…questioning your fashion choices."

"Oh, so because you're the only gay brother, you think you can judge what I decide to wear?" Whoops and there came the attitude.

I winced at my own tone. God, when did I become such a bitch?

"Emma, is something wrong? You've been acting really weird lately. You can tell me, whatever it is."

So you could just blurt it to everyone, my brain hissed. No thank you. I managed to control myself, smile and look him in the eye.

"I'm fine, Kevin. Really. Now, can you help me bring the bowls to the table so we can get ready to eat please? We are having a party for Rebecca, remember?"

_Please drop it, Kevin. __**Please**_.

He sighed and grabbed a bowl. "You can always come to me, just remember that."

But the truth was, I couldn't go to them. Any of them, not even Rebecca. I had crisscrossing scars on both wrists and an addiction to watching my own blood pour out of the vein. Yes, that would go over so well in the Walker family, especially if Kevin the Mouth got wind of it first. He would have me in a nut house before my mom could even process what was said.

_My mom_.

Out of everyone in my family, she was the one I was the most worried about. She already had so much on her plate, minus a self-mutilating daughter. But I couldn't stop. I knew that if she found out, she would be crushed and hurt. I couldn't stand to see that look in her eyes and I especially hated disappointing her. So why did I even do it? I didn't even know. Anyways, tonight we would be having a party for Rebecca, to celebrate her promotion. The whole family was there, which meant that there would somehow be some sort of issue. That much I knew. Whenever Holly was around, food tended to fly. I was wearing a yellow sundress with a brown belt across my waist. I wore it because it used to be my favorite; it must have looked so attractive with the big, black wrist bands. I must have looked like a weird bumblebee. No wonder Kevin said something. I prayed that he would just let it go but as I helped put the table together before the guests arrived, I felt his eyes on me. It was like he was seeing right through me. Luckily, I was interrupted by Mom rushing through the room.

"Oh, this table looks so nice! Rebecca is going to love it. Emma, why don't you take those bracelets off just this one night?"

Momentary relief over. Shit. I could feel the heat racing through my body. My mouth sort of flopped open.

"Now I know you're young and still trying to find yourself but, Emma, darling, they don't go with your gorgeous dress." She smiled. "It's like buying a brand new white house but pouring bird poop all over it." _Leave it to Mom and her odd metaphors. _

Sarah walked through the back door and into the kitchen.

"Hey, Mom," she said with a bag in her hand, kissing Mom's cheek. "Hey, sweetie," she said to me.

"Sarah, tell your sister that those bracelets don't match." Mom said absently, looking inside the oven.

They knew, my brain screamed. All of them. That's why they were suddenly so concerned with the wrist bands. How the hell would I get out of the Walker corner they were putting me in?

"Leave her alone, Mom." Kevin spoke up, shocking me. "Let her wear the bracelets. God knows this family has enough to deal with than worry about the latest fad Emma is going through."

Funny Kevin, I thought. Since when is cutting yourself a fad? I smiled at him as Tommy washed through the kitchen. Everything about Tommy was big; his body, his essence and the way he walked.

"Hey people," he said.

"Hi," I said quickly, walking out of the kitchen.

"What's with her?" I heard him ask.

I flushed. This wasn't going well already and Rebecca hadn't even got here. Soon enough, though, our house was filled with people, including the strange boy named Ryan that had been hanging around Rebecca and Ohai a lot. He was 20 years old with brown hair, coffee colored eyes, and an odd way about him that I couldn't quite describe. It's just that feeling you get when someone creeps you out for no real reason. I didn't trust him. He reminded me of a weasel but I was respectful to him anyways. Justin, however, wasn't feeling the same. Rebecca and Justin were hitting a bit of a roadblock, according to what Rebecca had told me and bits from Justin. They weren't seeing eye to eye on pretty much everything now, especially since Holly had given Rebecca a job without telling Tommy. I really didn't know the specifics but I think what was going on was the fact that they felt like they needed to choose sides between Tommy and Holly…honestly, I didn't even care.

The dinner had an air of familiar awkwardness. _(That's a word that should forever be attached to my family. Maybe one day Webster will put a picture of us under the definition.)_ Rebecca sat next to Ryan. Justin sat next to me and I was between him and Tommy. Kitty and Robert came a bit late but they sat near my mom at the head of the table. Sarah was next to Holly, which I am sure she enjoyed oh so much. Scotty had finally showed up, which I was unbelievably grateful for. For whatever reason, someone as totally amazing as Scotty decided he wanted to be with Kevin as a life partner, giving me the best "brother-in-law" anyone could ever have.

Holly gave the toast to her daughter, congratulating her on her hard work and success, to which Tommy loudly cleared his throat. I wanted to slap him but Rebecca didn't even pay him a second glance. Justin was giving Ryan the evil from next to me. The dinner conversation was a blur in my ears since I wasn't truly listening anyways. No one was personally addressing me so I was in my own little world, waiting for that familiar voice in my veins to tell me it was time for a release. Suddenly, I was brought back to reality when Justin slammed his glass violently on the table, causing me to jump. His eyes were dark with unmasked fury and the last time I saw him like that was…never mind, not going back there.

"That's it, you little bastard! I don't care if my mom welcomed you here or not, or whether or not you and Rebecca have some sort of friendship now. just because you just found out you're a Walker, doesn't mean you belong here and doesn't mean you can touch my girlfriend!"

"Ex-girlfriend!" Rebecca yelled.

Whoa, what did I miss and….wait, what?! The blood drained out of my face and the faces of everyone us.

"Justin!" My mother hissed.

At first, I thought it was because she didn't know about Ryan and was just as appalled as I was. But then a realization dawned on me…everyone at the table seemed to have known. Everyone but me.

Justin sat back and huffed.

"Wait, so you're saying Dad had _another _child?" I blurted. "Mom?"

My voice sounded so small.

"Yes, sweetheart, he did. It wasn't Rebecca. Your father had another affair and had a son. Ryan."

"Oh my God," I whispered.

"I'm sorry, Emma, I thought you knew," Ryan apologized.

"So all of you knew about this?" The quiver was coming in my voice.

Their silence gave me the answer I was dreading.

"Why am I the last to know? Why am I ALWAYS the last to know?"

"I'm so sorry, Emma. We thought we would wait until we were sure that Ryan would become a part of our lives before we told you." My mom said.

"Oh, I get it." I said slowly. "It was so I wouldn't get attached to him like I did with Rebecca, only to find out that my sleazebag of a father couldn't keep it in his pants!"

"Emma!" My brothers all scolded at once.

"What?" I hissed back, matching their tone. "You guys have no right to tell me what to do when you won't tell me important information I should know! I'm not a kid and I'm not stupid! No one in this family trusts me with anything and it pisses me off!"

"Maybe if you would stop acting like a child, we would explain more adult things to you. But by the way you're acting tonight you shouldn't be surprised." Tommy said accusingly.

Fury burned in my veins.

"You are so much like him. You're lucky Julia didn't dump you!"

His eyes flashed with venom and he looked like he was about to strike me.

"Tommy, don't!" My mom yelled. "Emma, leave the table now!"

"Oh, don't worry, Mom. I have to go to the bathroom anyway." I said angrily, rising from the table.

Everyone's eyes were on me. I looked at Scotty quickly, who avoided my gaze.

"Congratulations, Rebecca," I said as I ran to the bathroom.

I slammed the door so hard the painting above the toilet fell off the wall. I took the razor out of my secret hiding place in my makeup bag with shaking hands. I needed this now more than ever. I brought the razor down and made just one cut on both wrists.

I needed this.


	4. Chapter 4

I awoke to harsh light nearly blinding me. _That's it_, I thought. _I'm dead_. But if I was really was dead, then what the hell was that annoying beeping? My eyes finally focused and I was surrounded by bright white walls. I sat straight up and nearly screamed at the intense pain that suddenly rushed to my head. It was as if someone took a sledge hammer to my skull.

"Easy, Emma," a males voice said, sounding faraway and familiar all at the same time.

I blinked hard.

"Kevin?" I whispered; my voice dry and cracking.

"I'm right here. Just relax and lie back down."

He put his hand on my shoulder and gently pushing me back against the pillows. He looked disheveled and worried, with bloodshot eyes. I had never seen him look like that, especially when it came to me. My mom came next to him, eyes pink and puffy from tears that had already been shed.

"You're in the hospital, baby," Mom said. "The rest of the family is in the waiting room. How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts," I croaked. "But that's it."

"You're lucky you aren't dead, Emma!" Kevin said harshly. "What were you thinking?"

I looked at the bed in shame. My wrists were wrapped in gauze and there was an IV in my arm.

"Can I go home?" I whispered, on the verge of tears.

My mom sat on the bed and stroked my hair.

"Kevin was able to pull some strings to get you released today. The doctor will come in and check on you before we go." She said and paused. "You're 18 years old, Emma. We can't make you go to a facility but..."

"I'm not crazy!" I announced loudly, cutting her off. "Please don't send me to a nuthouse! I'm sorry! I promise I'll stop…please, Mom, let me go home!" Tears burst from my eyes.

Her mouth dropped open; almost as if she was crying without making any sound.

"Emma, listen to me," Kevin said, sitting on the bed. "Look at me."

I didn't want to see the pain in his eyes, knowing that I caused my entire family to be so worried. I couldn't meet his expectant gaze so he put his hand under my chin and gently forced me to look up.

"We know you aren't crazy but you do need help; serious help. I know some people who…"

"Kevin, no!" I sobbed, throwing myself into his arms with enough force to push him backwards. "Please, don't!"

I was surprised when I felt his arms lock around me.

"This isn't helping anyone." My mother whispered, trying to regain control over her voice. "We're going to take you home and discuss this as a _family._ But right now, we need to stay calm."

Kevin pulled away and stood. I felt like I had been run over by a tractor trailer at least 100 times. My insides filled with guilt that spread like a cancerous tumor. At this moment, I was actually wishing that I had bled to death. Maybe I did belong in a mental institution after all.

"I'm sorry, Mom." I murmured. "Are you guys mad at me?"

"You should have told us, Emma," was all my mom said; her voice as strong as steel.

Kevin clenched and unclenched his jaw in suppressed fury.

"You could be _dead _right now. Don't you get it?" He hissed. "Thank God Rebecca got to you."

"I know," I whispered.

"I'm gonna go tell the others that she's awake and will be leaving soon. We'll all meet at your house," he said to Mom.

Without even looking at me, he left.

"Does everyone hate me?" I asked.

"No one hates you! We are all worried sick, Emma! I'm sorry but no one is going to be speaking too terribly nice. Not after what we've been through. What were you thinking? Do you have any idea what you did to me tonight? I was petrified I was going to lose you."

If there was a way to crawl into the deepest hole in the Earth, I would have done it at that moment. How could I face my whole family, especially Tommy? I was sure he would have plenty of nasty things to say and with good reason, too. My mother turned away from me as the doctor came in to check on me. She was an older woman, maybe Sarah's age, with light brown hair and bright blue eyes. She looked at me and smiled.

"Glad to see you're up," she said brightly. "I've got to say, you've got quite the fan club out there."

"Yeah, and all of them are ready to rip me to shreds right about now," I muttered sarcastically.

"You lost a lot of blood. You're lucky your family was able to get to you when they did, otherwise we would be sending your body to the morgue, instead of back home."

My eyes filled with tears at the hard truth of what the doctor said. I had been playing with fire for so long, it was miraculous I didn't get burned until now.

"Emma, I see plenty of girls come into this hospital with the same issue as yours. However, I have _never _seen any of them have an entire family, pacing around worrying about them in the waiting room, arguing with the staff. You are a very lucky young lady and they love you very much. I don't want to see you in this hospital. You're all set to be released. Let this be the last time."

I nodded hard, throat closing. "It will be."

My mom put her hand on my shoulder and handed me my old sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Come on, baby. Let's go home."

The car ride home was stiff, awkward and silent. I was in the car with Mom and Justin, who wasn't even trying to talk to me. A part of me what to yell at him and ask how come he had the right to make bad mistakes and not me. An even smaller part of me wanted to say it was his fault even though I knew it wasn't. No one seemed to know what to say to me so I had no idea how this whole confrontation was going to go. Oh, it would be absolutely awful for sure…it's just the degree of awfulness that was a bit of a mystery. When we finally got there, it was midmorning and the dew glistened on the grass as the sun shown bright pink above us. Such a beautiful scene for my public family execution, don't you think? I followed Mom and Justin up the cobblestone stairs leading to the house and entered. I could hear murmurs of chatter from the living room and I knew that that the whole family was in there, waiting. My mom was the first to go in.

Sure enough, Kitty, Sarah, Kevin, Rebecca and Tommy were all there. I took one look at them and flipped around to bolt. Justin grabbed my arm in a steel hold.

"Oh, no you don't," he said as he flipped me around. "You're gonna face this, just like I had to. We're here to help you. Now come on."

He dragged me into the living room and I felt the heat of their eyes on me. If looks could cause harm, I would be set on fire.

"Emma, go sit in between your brothers please." My mom said matter-of-factly.

"Why, so they can hold me down and force me to talk?" I blurted. "I would really rather not do this now."

"Cut the attitude! You're in no position to argue after what you put us through. Don't make me come get you." Tommy threatened, rising to his feet.

Justin stood behind me and I knew I was trapped. I sighed and sat down between Tommy and Kevin. I was glad Tommy never opted to be a suicide hotline operator; with his wonderful sensitivity skills, the person would just jump out of a window voluntarily.

"Emma, we know this is hard for you. It's hard for all of us. But we are your family and we love you. No one wants you to be in pain. You need to tell us what's wrong so we can help you." My mom began.

I didn't look at them. Instead, I counted the number of red threads sticking out of the carpet under my feet.

"When did it start?" Mom asked. "The cutting?"

I looked at Justin, leaning against the wall waiting for my answer. The look on his face told me he was petrified I was going to say that it was because of him. His Adam's apple was bobbing. I looked at Rebecca, whose brown, doe eyes were filled with fear and sadness.

"Emma," Kevin prodded softly. "Tell us."

"I can't." I said, so low I almost couldn't hear myself.

"Sweetheart, you can tell us anything. No one here is angry with you." Sarah piped in.

Tommy scoffed and shifted next to me. Sarah shot him a look.

"The night Justin went crazy," I whispered. "After I talked to Tommy, I went to the bathroom and did it for the first time. It felt good. It felt so good and I didn't think it would. I didn't…I wasn't …thinking about it when I did it. It just happened."

"Cutting yourself doesn't _just happen, _Emma!" Tommy exclaimed.

"I know! I just…I don't know. ANYTHING felt better after what Justin said. And I know you're sorry, Justin. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't an addiction at first but then everything just kept piling and piling and nothing made me feel better except when I was in the bathroom. Those three seconds where the blade it my skin was the only thing I looked forward to." I fought to keep the stubborn tears out of my voice.

"Did you cut when you were at Cheyenne's?" Kitty asked.

"Better yet, is that where you really were?" Mom asked.

"Yes, I was there and yes I did. But she doesn't know."

"This is crazy!" Tommy blurted. "Have you any idea what you did? What you could have done? You could have killed yourself!"

"So I've been told!"

"Well, clearly it didn't sink into that thick head of yours. What could be so bad that you think cutting your own veins is the only way to deal with it? When you have so many people willing to help you whenever you need it?" Tommy accused.

"And tell who?" I cried, looking at him. "You? Tommy, you were so busy trying to run Holly out of the company and cheat on your wife to see what was happening with me. Why would I tell you anything when all you do is make snide comments and judge!? I mean really? Why would I tell any of you? You guys are all so "together" all the time even when things fall apart."

"Sweetheart," Justin began, shocking me with his favorite pet name for me. "You know full well I am the farthest thing from "together", whatever the hell that means. None of us are perfect and this family has made a lot of mistakes in the past few years. But nothing could be so bad that you couldn't ask for help. There's nothing wrong with that. What I don't understand is how we all missed the signs for so long."

"Don't feel bad, Justin," I said. "It hasn't really been that long anyway."

"It's been long enough." Mom said. "I noticed the changes in you; how you went from a happy-go-lucky young girl into this solemn, quiet wallflower. I should have sat you down and talked to you. I'm your mother."

"We all should have." Kevin said. "But now we know. So what do we do?"

"I'm not going to a mental institution!" I blurted, shocking everyone.

"Who said anything about a mental institution?" Sarah asked.

"Kevin said he knew people and that I needed help!" I exclaimed.

"What I meant was that I knew some therapists that could help you. Hell, maybe all of us need it."

"I don't want to be sent away! Please, I'll do anything. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I put my hands over my face and just sobbed, in front of everyone. My mother came and sat next to me, putting her arms around me. I cried into her like I used to when I was a little girl.

"No one is going to send you away, darling. We're going to get through this just like we always do. We are going to get you into therapy and we're going to all be watching you; you're never going to feel that alone again." She pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. "I love you, Emma. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me to be."

She rocked me back and forth and I almost forgot that my siblings were still there watching this. When she finally pulled away from me, Sarah came and gave me a hug next, followed by Justin, Kevin and Kitty. Tommy didn't move from where he was sitting the entire time; barely even looked at me except when he was yelling at me.

"We are going to get through this, honey." Mom said.

"We're all here for you." Rebecca said.

"Thanks for finding me," I whispered. "I'm always going to think of you as a sister."

With that, she gave me a hug. My mom suggested that everyone leave so I could get some rest. Justin, of course, said he would stay. It was nice to know that no matter what, I would always have one brother on my side. That's when I realized I might have lost Tommy forever.

"Tommy?" I began, hoping for some sort of reaction from him.

He stood, his height towering over me. He looked at Mom first, ignoring my very presence.

"I'm going to go, Mom. Call me if you need anything."

"Tommy!" I exclaimed, louder. "I'm sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Emma; not when it's something like this. Get some rest."

Then he just walked out without a second glance. How long would it take for me to get my families trust back?


	5. Chapter 5

The next few weeks passed by slowly and uneventfully. My mom set up therapy for me that I had to go to twice a week. My siblings were also over the house quite often, except for Tommy. I was beginning to feel like a prisoner in my own home. I was never alone anymore, except to go to the bathroom. But I swear, if I stayed in too long, I'm sure one of them would be outside the door. It's not that I was complaining. It's just a little…well, suffocating. I knew they were petrified that the second they left me, I would be running for the closest sharp object, which they had every right to. Someone was always in my room with me, checking on me before bed, and even in the middle of the night. I wasn't used to all the attention, to be frank. My brothers and sisters treated me differently than the way they used to, even if they denied it whenever I said anything. One of the things the therapist, Dr. Bloomberg, loved to tell me is that I needed to be honest.

"You must stop being so afraid of hurting the feelings of the other person," he said.

Blah blah blah…I would LOVE to see him spend a day in my shoes. Then _he _would need a shrink. Tommy hadn't really been coming over much. When he did, it was for about ten minutes give or take. He hardly said a word to me besides "hi", "bye" and "fine." He was totally done with me. I knew that for a fact. He tended to do that; write people off when they make horrible mistakes. He did it with Justin too but…I don't know; I guess I thought it would be different with me. As for the desire to cut, it had been dying little by little. I still felt the familiar urge to make a slice but I was able to fight it. Plus, I knew my family would burst through the door and stop me like members of the armed forces, so I didn't try to bother. I was scared though. Boy was I scared. What if the next time I was left alone, (if that was even possible), I did it again? What if I could never stop? And those were just _some _of my fears. What I was most afraid of was the hatred of my family, especially Tommy. Everyone kept saying he was only acting that was because he was so worried about me but I doubted it. He hadn't called me at all or bothered to spend more than 5 minutes with me. He was done caring about me now that I was the new family screw up. On the positive side, though, the cuts were beginning to heal on my wrists. Maybe if I was lucky, there wouldn't be too many scars to remind me of what a complete idiot I was.

Anyways, one night, while Justin was making sure I was able to make it to my bed without stabbing myself; I knew I finally had to ask him about Tommy.

"Ya know, Justin, I think I can manage to go to bed by myself for just one night. I promise I won't kill myself." I teased, sticking my tongue out at him from my bed.

He was in the corner of my room, folding the clothes that I had carelessly thrown on the floor earlier.

"Don't even joke about that." He said sternly. "But seriously, Em, would it kill you to fold your clothes every once and a while? I'm no neat freak but, damn, you can be a slob."

He sat on the end of my bed and grabbed my left foot, tickling it mercilessly. I squealed and kicked it away from him, giggling. I collapsed backwards into the pillows and stared at my older brother. It was amazing all he had done for me since Dad died, even though he did go back to drugs for a bit. He was the only person who really understood me, that was for sure.

"What are you staring at?" He asked with a lopsided grin.

"Thank you, Justin," I said earnestly. "For everything."

He smiled and ruffled my hair.

"You've done enough for me over the years. Now it's time to return the favor."

"I wish Tommy felt the same way," I muttered.

"Ah," he said slowly.

"Does he ever talk about me to you?" I asked, sitting up. "He doesn't talk to me anymore at all. Well, except for hello, goodbye and any other one word response."

Justin sighed. "No, baby, he doesn't. I would tell you if he did."

"Then he really is done." I said, shrugging.

"Now wait a minute. I know Tommy can be a hard-assed, stubborn hot head. But he loves you, okay. He just has trouble dealing with anything that scares him. You scared him to death, Emma." He said and then hesitated. "Alright, bad choice of words but the point is, he will never be done with you."

I shrugged again and he mimicked the gesture with a smile.

"Have you tried talking to him?" He asked. "Like, really talk to him?"

"Yeah and he acts like the house in on fire and leaves."

"Well, tell him to stop and tell him how you feel. That's the only way to work this thing out. Be honest with him."

"You sound like my therapist." I said begrudgingly.

He smirked. "At least I'm free and better looking."

"Who said better looking?" I teased.

He laughed. "That's it!"

He grabbed me and tickled my stomach and neck, making me scream and squirm.

"Go to sleep, baby." He said when he finally gave me a break.

He kissed me on the forehead and stood close to the door.

"Love you, shrimp. Wish me luck. Hot date with Rebecca tonight," he winked.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "Like you need luck. Love you too."

"Don't worry about Tommy, okay. He will come around. Trust me."

_Oh Justin_, I thought, _I wish I could_.

I couldn't sleep to save my life. As tired as my body was, my eyes just wouldn't stay closed. After about 2 hours of tossing and turning, I decided to hell with sleeping. I tip-toed down the stairs, waiting to hear some sort of alarm go off, alerting the clan I was out of my room. And yes, my family was crazy enough to actually install something like that. By the grace of God, I was able make it outside without being detected and I walked towards the pool area. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Tommy sitting there already.

_Well, _I thought to myself. _This is it. _

I took a deep breath and walked up to the bench that he was sitting on. The light of the pool wrinkled his face in shadow. He didn't notice me so I cleared my throat.

"Hi," I said.

He looked at me, his eyes unreadable.

"Hey," he finally said.

I sat next to him, looking up at the sky. Stars illuminated the sky.

"It's a nice night out." I remarked dumbly.

"What are you doing out here, Emma?" His voice was weary.

"I could ask you the same question! I couldn't sleep. I didn't know you were here but I can leave if you want." I stammered rising.

Tommy grabbed my arm, nearly scaring me into the pool.

"No, stay," he said.

I sat down slowly and looked at him. He looked like he had aged about 5 years since I had last seen him. His hair was peppered with streaks of grey that I had never seen before. I forgot all about my issues with Tommy at that moment.

"What's wrong, Tommy?" I asked, moving closer to him so our shoulders touched.

"Julia and I had a fight." He finally said.

"About the secretary?"

"Yes among other things," he mumbled. "I don't know. I'm just petrified I'm going to lose her and the baby. We've already been through so much and…I don't know why I'm talking to you about this."

I chose to ignore his last statement.

"That's why you guys are going to get through whatever this is. Couples fight, Tommy. But Julia loves you so much and now you guys are parents. Losing William could have broken you…but instead you found a way to work it out. When you love someone, sometimes you just have to agree to let things go. Especially if there is nothing that can be done to change the situation," I said. "You both need to fight for each other."

Tommy gave me a tired, half smile before looking at the ground.

"Well, listen to you," he remarked. "Words of wisdom."

"I have my moments." I teased.

It felt nice to have him speaking to me in a tone other than pure disgust. He sighed and leaned back against the bench.

"I haven't been very fair to you, now have I?" He said.

"Are you asking me or telling me?" I asked, confused.

He chuckled grimly.

"You haven't come around much." I pointed out.

"I know," he said, crossing his arms.

"Was it because of me? Because if it is, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to put you guys through so much worry. I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself and I feel so bad. I love you and I wish I could take back everything I did. But I can't. I know I'm a terrible person but I'm begging you to forgive me, Tommy, please."

"Oh, Emma," he said, his voice sounding like a sigh."You are the farthest thing from a bad person. You made a mistake and hurt yourself, yes. But you aren't bad. Do you really want to know why I stayed away? It wasn't you; it was me."

Now I was really shocked.

"What do you mean?" I exclaimed.

"I'm your big brother. I was 19 years old when you were born, for Christ sakes. I could be your father. It's my job to protect you but the fact is, when you needed me most, I wasn't there for you. You tried to talk to me, didn't you?"

Shit, did I? I wondered. I didn't even remember.

"You came to my office and you almost caught me cheating on Julia. I didn't even ask you what you wanted; I just threw you out."

"Oh, Tommy," I cried. "Don't blame yourself! I wasn't even going to tell you about my cutting. I don't even remember what I wanted so it probably wasn't important."

"It doesn't matter what you wanted to tell me, Emma!" He exclaimed, voice rising. "I should have sat you down and listened no matter what, damn it! You were suffering and I did nothing. So really, I feel responsible. What kind of big brother am I? Jesus, what the hell kind of husband am I?"

"What is with you guys blaming yourselves for my bad decisions? I knew it was wrong but I didn't care. I just felt so out of control, watching my family struggle and fall apart. I couldn't help you guys and I felt like a bystander in my own life. I don't know; cutting was my only form of control. I knew what I was doing every time I picked up the razor. It wasn't your fault, Tommy. And as for the husband part; I know how much you love Julia and the baby. But she hurt you when she blamed you for William and you made a mistake. But things that are broken can always be fixed if you want it enough. Don't let her go. She needs you, Elizabeth needs you and_ I_ need you. Please don't cut me out of your life, Tommy."

I wiped my cheeks before I could cry. I felt his arm come around my shoulders, a touch I hadn't had from him in so long. He didn't say anything as he pulled me close. I didn't want to ruin the moment, but it felt so strange to be held by him.

"Emma, I need you to promise me something." He said after a while. "If you ever feel that out of control again, I don't care what time it is or where you are, call me. I know exactly how it feels to be a bystander and I will be damned before I allow myself to become one in your life. This family has a lot of issues, I know. But you have so many ears willing to listen to you because we love you. But at the same time, it's not your job to take on everyone's problems. You're 18 years old; enjoy it. Be happy."

I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"I try, Tommy, I really do. But sometimes it's just so hard. It's like all Dad ever did was ruin our lives and we didn't even know it."

"I know, baby." He whispered, playing with strands of my long hair.

"I was so scared you were done with me," I murmured.

He stopped playing with my hair and pulled away so he was looking me straight in the eye.

"Honey, like I told you before, you are stuck with me for life. Nothing you do can ever make me hate you or stop being part of your life. I know I have been acting like a jerk but that's only because looking at you made me feel like a failure as a brother. But that's all going to change. I am always going to be there for you, even when you are begging me to stay out of your business."

"I would never say that!" I said.

He laughed. "You say that now, but just wait until you get a real boyfriend or something. You've got three big brothers, two big sisters, two brother-in-laws, an uncle and a crazy but amazing mother. We are going to suffocate the hell out of you because we adore you."

I laughed, thinking of how I was feeling earlier, being trapped in the house.

"I love you too, Tommy."

"Seeing you like that on the floor, covered in your own blood scared me to the bone. I can't lose you, kid. None of us can. You're the heart of this family."

I felt as though someone kicked the wind out of me.

"Really?" I squeaked.

"Yes, baby. Do you think any of us could survive without you? You're the light that makes things look less terrible and you always have since the day you were born. You have a smile for everyone, you make everyone laugh and one way or another, it's your advice we listen to. You always support us, even when we make mistakes. This family would be a wreck without you and I am sorry I ignored you. It was out of love, if that makes sense." He said and pulled me close again.

"It makes sense," I said. "I'm sorry I hurt you. And for what I said that night."

He kissed the side of my forehead.

"Hush about that," he said into my hair. "There is nothing we can do to change it now."

I looked at my wrists, at the small white scars that still remained.

"I'm never going to cut myself again," I vowed.

He laughed and I could feel his chest vibrating.

"Well, that's very good."

"I'm still scared though." My voice was almost inaudible.

His arm tightened around my shoulders. "Scared of what?"

I swallowed. "What if I do it again when the next Walker catastrophe happens?"

This time, he wrapped both arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze.

"I'll tell you what you are going to do. You're going to call me, Justin, Kevin, Kitty, Sarah or Mom and we will figure it out then. You aren't going to make that mistake again, baby. You know we are all in your corner no matter what disaster happens next. Alright? You aren't alone and you don't need to carry the world's problems. Don't think any more dark thoughts until you have reason to." He kissed me on the cheek.

I sighed. This was one of the best conversations Tommy and I ever had; too bad it was under such terrible circumstances though.

"So you forgive me?" I asked, shifting to look at him.

"You have no reason to be sorry, Emma." He said, pushing my bangs out of my face.

"Can we just…I don't know…forget this?" I stammered. "I don't want to ever remember cutting."

He grinned.

"You got it. Its water under our families giant bridge now."

I laughed.

"Speaking of water," I sing-songed, eyeing the pool.

"Oh, no, Emma, you can't be serious!" Tommy exclaimed. "Now? It's like 3 in the morning!"

His exasperation made me laugh until I was almost in hysterics.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you laughing?" Tommy asked, trying to bite back a smile.

"I have no idea," I laughed. "I'm just happy we are talking again. And the fact that you are really showing your age right now!"

"Are you calling me old?" He asked, teasingly incredulous.

I leapt off my feet and towards the pool.

"Yep, what are you going to do about it?" I taunted, sticking my tongue out at him.

He grinned and stood. "You'll see. Come here, you!"

He ran after me, chased me around the yard, grabbed me over his shoulder and leapt into the pool like Tarzan. Our screams and my shrieks must have woken up the family because a bewildered Justin and a frightened-looking Mom came running outside.

"Oh my God, Emma! Tommy! Have you two completely lost your minds?!" My mother yelled at us. "Swimming and war hooping at this time of night!"

I started to giggle.

"Don't get her started, Mom, she's been laughing like a hyena for 10 minutes straight." Tommy teased and I splashed him.

Justin started laughing with us.

"At least they are finally talking," he remarked. "So who pushed who?"

I laughed. "Tommy carried me,"

"Because she called me old," Tommy laughed.

Even my mom, through her tired fury, started to smile.

"Oh, hell, I'm going in too!" Justin said and cannonballed in.

This was the first time in months I had really laughed and it felt amazing. As I splashed around with my brothers, I knew that no matter what happened in our family, I would always have some pretty amazing people on my side. Maybe I could get better after all.


End file.
